It's for Real Cause It's for No Reason

I have thoughts. I have going ons. I want to hold them close and keep them to myself thinking no one would understand the incoherent ramblings of a broken soul. I came to this blog space to update and post something, anything. When I did there was a posting saved and all it had was the title above and the following ...

Let me tell you story. 

I'm dying to know what story I was going to tell! That's what I get I guess for not finishing a thought.

I know I have some frustration over this blogging site. I click and it puts the typing at the beginning ??? I want a cool looking site but can't figure out the whole html blah, blah thinga ma ookie wookies. That's what it sounds like to me. Surprise, surprise, I failed the computer class in college.

At any rate October:

First there was a wedding and I was going to blog on these cool quiet toys I made for the nephew to play with at the wedding. First of all he was tired so he didn't even play with them at the wedding and then when I had him for a week he just sucked on them or tore them apart. I don't care about that since I made them for him. It gave me something to do in front of the T.V.

Then Grandpa died ... I still cry when I think of it. I'm still upset that certain people didn't come up to me and tell me how sorry they are - maybe they're not sorry. Maybe they don't understand he was more to me then a Grandpa. He was my constant always there father figure before I had a relationship with the ultimate father figure. And one day I'll blog about him alone but even now I can't see the screen through my tears.

Then there was a reunion! There's something about seeing hot dishes of food wrapped in newspaper and bath towels. How there's one long table of desserts.
How there is an almost guarantee of the best cooking you'll ever eat or at least that's how I remember it. How even though there are plastic plates there's something about eating on OLD cafeteria food trays and how excited I was when I found my own set at a yard sale. There's always talk of remember when we use to have the Yoder Christmas on Christmas day. There use to be skits. There use to be board games. There IS always family. Most would rather not even go and the more the younger the generation the more that feeling grows. But not I. I would like to cuddle up with the warmth of traditions and stories and the laughter of remembering. I could spend my whole day just sitting with these people who if you counted the words don't actually say much.

And with younger generations it gets harder to figure out who descended from which of the 8 elders as I like to call them. So we did a list and I made a graph. My big fat Greek wedding eat your heart out! There are 24 that can claim first cousins! There are 42 second cousins. 50 third cousins. And we have now started the 5th living generation and there are 3.

This got me started thinking about the roots of that tree.  So I have started researching the ancestry. I have come obsessed and have had to take a deep breath and do some prioritizing. It combines history (LOVE!), research (LOVE!) and knowing it connects to me ... that these are the people I come from. It's intoxicating! I will have to blog my findings. A little teaser ... I've started the process to becoming a Daughter of the American Revolution.

Indiana Trivia: If I've done it right ... I have trace my family to living in Indiana before Indiana was a state. Is that even possible? I'll let you know I guess. 

 

Blah! Ugh! Hum Drum!

I need to start the list of blurbs I've thought of for this picture

I believe I warned I might taper off and not blog all that much.

Since Memorial Day - there has been:

Avon sales - Yeah!

Youth camp out - The coldest weekend I have EVER spent camping. 

Ended teaching Jr. High Sunday school - We studied the 12 Apostles. I had men from the church come in and take on the persona of one of the 12. In most cases the apostle chosen at random made a good fit to the man. Thanks again to the men who took time out to read and prepare to answer questions. 

Barefoot primer - I always thought I was observant and I'm finding out not as much as I'd like. It could be I'm observant but I have the freeze of the "fight or flight or freeze" reaction. Asking God to help me unfreeze so I can fight for the weakest.

Walked Team Hope Huntington's Disease Walk - Did not walk as long as a I wanted to but walked more than I if I hadn't.

Friend's sister died - Not much older than I. At one point she was to be airlifted and was just under the weight limit. This SERIOUSLY scares me. What's the weight limit? And would I have been so lucky?

WFRN Friend Fest -  HOT!!!! Speaking of which I'm done with the hot. It's dreams of snow angels for me. Back to our regular program of Friend Fest - Lost my prescription sunglasses, key to the van and the key fob that gets me into Anytime Fitness. Add that to the list  - JJL and I signed up for membership at Anytime fitness. Not going as well as I hoped. Not as easy to get losing as it was 5 years ago (Yeah, yeah I know, I was 5 years younger.) 

Mason stayed with us - YEAH!! and we didn't get sick double YEAH!!! 

BYIC Engage Conference - Every year it's different but life altering. 

I entered a T-shirt design to Wild Fire Tees to raise money for the victims of Colorado fires. Once again did not hear back. So, apparently I'm the graphic design version of denied Hollywood pass on American Idol. Meaning I got people telling me I'm good but put me in a competition and the pros are saying find something else.

JJL has been working a lot because of back to school sales. 

I have been unfocused. There's tweeting, instagraming, facebooking, T.V. watching, Avon selling, job working, laundry, picking up (can't stay focus long enough to actually clean), excuse making, back pain aching, wallowing, gym avoiding, self doubting, wanting, needing. So true, get rid of the first half of the list and maybe I wouldn't have problems with the latter. And to this I say ... your right. So, why don't I? Because as the Pittsburgh peeps say I'm nebby! I need to know what I'm missing not being in someone else's life, I suppose.

I don't understand how some do it all or at least make it look like they do it all. 

Well, I think that's it. I'm sure there's more. In fact I know there's more but again the focus thing. And I apologize if I led you to believe that this blog would be funnier than it has been. I always did laugh at my jokes more than anyone else did.

INDIANA TRIVIA: Indianapolis grocer Gilbert Van Camp discovered his customers enjoyed an old family recipe for pork and beans in tomato sauce. He opened up a canning company and Van Camp's Pork and Beans became an American staple.

Mini Vay Cay

It started a few months ago when JJL was working a lot of nights. The man gets sappy when he doesn't get to spend time with me. Oh all right I get a little forlong forlone forlorn when I don't see him either. I checked and I had some vacation days to use besides the ones I keep for youth conference. The plan was just to stay at home and get some stuff done that is better to do if there are 2 people to do it. Know what I'm sayin'? (FYI - I say this phrase a lot in normal conversation)

The weekend came closer and JJL said two magic words "Mackinaw City". My heart lept into my throat. The reason? ... Let me tell ya little story.

"One time at band camp ..." haha. So it was actually a fine arts camp, Blue Lake Fine Arts Camp to be exact. The short of it is I met a boy and at the end of the summer he took me to see his home in Petoskey, MI and we made a side trip up to Mackinaw City. It's late August and I take a gander at a lighthouse, a bridge, water, skies of blue and thought my eyes had never seen a more splendid place. That was darn near 20 years ago. Ever since I got married and we try to decide on trips I always mention Mackinaw City. Since our trips are usually around our anniversary that's in October a trip north is not really conducive to a good time.

So, do you see why I so excited?

Working the timer!

In the end we opted for the best option financially and left Sunday morning, stay 3 whole nights and drive back on Wednesday. The drive was not bad at all (if you discount the rain and prediction of one inch hail as not bad) and after Sunday the stores weren't crowded. Score! I already feel like I take up to much space in the world - like a I'm over lapping onto someone's personal space who might or not be there at the time. So, when stores are not crowded I can freely lap.

Sunday: Walked around Mackinaw City - ate at Darrow's for supper - AWE some pie! Came back to fire on the beach. So we may have not been camping where there is guarantee fire but I say God knew my heart and knew how to romance me without me specifically praying about it. Isn't that what romance is all about? Having things done for you that only someone who truly knows your heart knows to do without the thing being spoken?

Monday: Took a fairly early ferry to Mackinac Island (be still my heart). Went to the fort. Got Fudge at Velvet. Ate at a Pizza joint in Mackinaw City for supper.

Tuesday: Went across the bridge, and went over to Cheboygan (Lighthouse!) Saw My first live and in person porcupine! - ate at the Admiral's for supper. Walked around the city some more.

Wednesday: Drove home with side trip to Petoskey.

Timer on hood of the van. Not the best but gets the point.

This may turn into a yearly thing. We really didn't have a schedule so we weren't rushing and tired. Not that we don't enjoy those types of vacations. This one could have easily have been spent sitting and watching and listening and smelling God's beauty.

Thought post #3 or More Like Whining

I'm thinking the trick to me blogging more is to make the entries shorter. Like longer than a status update but shorter than what I have blogged so far. Of course I'm not the frequent status updater either. I don't even check-in with foursquare at each stop.

The point today is to put the question of why does it seem everything breaks down at the same time? First of all simply asking the question "why" is pointless. We learn that at the age of 2 when we finally get the answer of, "because I said so" after the 10th why question.

In the last week, DVD player stopped turning on, the dryer stopped heating, the refrigerator stopped cooling, the television decided to show some new lines.

We decided to get a new DVD player of course it doesn't work on the old TV which makes the decision of getting a new TV not all that difficult. We got the refrigerator fixed before any food lost was made - the only lost was out of pocket. And on that note there should be a ceiling rate - for instance they shouldn't be able to charge any more than say 3 times the cost of the part or something like that.

We have someone coming to look at the dryer hopefully thats just a part charge. Since starting this entry it got fixed by the friend and yes only charged us for the part! Blessings to him and his family!

But really we have the means to fix everything it just wasn't our first choice. I don't mean to sound ungrateful. I know we are blessed by God. If the past has shown us anything we hoard the tax check for when things do break down. 

Something else occurred to me when I woke up this morning that what I was waking up to do was the same thing I was waking up to yesterday and the day before. Oh hum ... back to the bright side of that I'm able to wake up walk to the bathroom. I have a reason to get up even if it is to go to work.

Is the key to not having a robot life in the career you choose? Or is it all in the attitude one takes? Is it dependent on what fulfills you in life? Do you want to be defined by your career or by the kind of person you are? This is all before 7am folks! I can't make up the stuff that goes through my head - wait did anyone catch the irony of that statement? 

Hopefully my office slash the hanging closet will be finished and I'll post that transformation. I and most people I know wish I took a before picture that would really enhance that little teaser. Exciting stuff here at the Locke Cottage.

Good Friday 2012

This was the fourth year that the Way of the Cross as a Journey has taken place at the Nappanee First Brethren Church. It's an adaption of stations of the cross. The stations are more commonly represented by statues, paintings or tapestries. Four years ago I found a blog entry where each stage was represented with a photograph of Unites States servicemen. 

It started with the senior pastor asking me to see what I can come up with for the church to have this representation. My first reaction was, "Say What?" He then explained it a little and pointed out we could even have an actual "tomb" for our purposes of a 9th station where Jesus is buried. As I stated in the previous blog - Good Friday was a day I usually didn't get off work to "celebrate" and it must be a Catholic thing like Ash Wednesday. I am ignorant, I know. Easter however I think even has a child I liked more than Christmas.

God has given me creative talent and when used for His glory and His purpose it's truly a beautiful thing. I was given verses for each station. I am one that loves research. I totally love a good library and a reason to google. In 4th grade for recess I would hide in the library. I mean if I was going to be left out and alone why not be in place where I found comfort. And a total nerd, am I.

The images in my head that God gave me for this "journey" I can't put into reality unless suddenly Speilberg or Lucas became members of our church. Pause ... How cool would that be?! God however did give me ideas that have been put into practice. 

 

We have a whole room dedicated to each station. Each station has the verses printed out. Each station has a dedicated color and the colors weren't chosen without thought. I looked up color theory and decided on what color best represented the thought and feel of the room. Each room has a song and the lyrics are written in the devotional. Some rooms have an activity. Some rooms have a scented candle. Some rooms have photographs of people who attend the church, to make the room that much more personal. It's to point out that what happened is not something that happened centuries ago but that picking up the cross is a daily thing, it's a NOW thing. In essence the rooms are to activate the senses.

Each year I walk the journey. I read the devotional, I read the verses, I do the activity and each year even though I know what's in each room I'm moved to tears and each year a different room makes a more profound impression on me. 

Two things stood out this year... Jesus CHOSE the cross. He could have ran for the hills but he didn't. There are certain people I would quickly die for, there are even fewer I would suffer for but I certainly would not choose to suffer and die for ALL. I wouldn't even do it for myself - I'm under the impression that what I get, I deserve even less of the good or more of the bad whatever the case may be. 

The second thing is "why hast Thou forsaken Me?". I can't tell you how many times I think that God has forgotten me, or delayed an answer, or merely I am not "hearing" what God wants. My reasoning is that I'm not being "Christian" enough. That because I'm not reading my bible enough or praying enough or thinking good things enough that God is waiting to answer me till I do these things enough ... But even Jesus had to wait ... he suffered, he was pierced, he forgave, he took care that his earthly mother was cared for and yet he breathed. He was on no fast track that day. I hope I can remember this when I pray for an end to what ever tribulation I'm going through at the time.

What joy there is knowing that it is finished. That this is just temporary. That He has Risen and Lives!

Happy Resurrection day!

Whats Been Going On

The things that have been going on that keep going through my head ...

JJL was put into the hospital for cellulitis since he is diabetic it can get bad and then worse pretty quick.

 

I stopped selling Longaberger and moved on to Avon. Hopefully, I will be more successful.

We (the church) have finished up "not a fan". It's rocked my world. It's partly responsible for my melancholy mood. It might have been better to do when there were more sunny days. But I understand there are some things you just can't help. Rocked my world in that I mostly felt guilty the whole time. You name it I felt guilty about it, yo!

I'm preparing to teach Jr. High Sunday school. I did the suggested curriculum the first year I taught and not that it's not good or needed I saw the youth lacking in other areas. The next year I took them through the books of the Bible. Learning who wrote it and when it was written and basically putting it into context. This year well since it's not started I don't want to ruin the surprise but it should be entertaining in the least :) It is requiring me to rely on other people to be prepared and so maybe this lesson in the end will be more for me than the youth.

I am also mentally preparing myself for our church's Journey to the Cross on Good Friday, April 6th, 1:30 - 7pm. This is the 4th year for it. I ask people to come and check it out and I get blah, blah answers. I guess before I was a tool used by God I was blah, blah about Good Friday too. And true it is during Spring break but I don't recall no Spring break for Jesus in the Bible. It shouldn't matter about the turn out because if one person has a better understanding what happened that many Good Fridays ago then it's all worth it right? 

I also started water exercise every Tuesday and Thursday at Wawasee High School. I got my friend that I met freshman year doing it with me. This is the type of friend that we can not talk to each other for months even years, we get back together and it's like a day hasn't passed. There's none of that where have you been. Because really we know the other is still there. This the friend that I can tell anything to. You know there are certain things you don't talk about with certain friends and the reason is to either avoid the drama, eye roll or spare them having to hear about "it" again, or to avoid a response you think they'll give. With this friend there is none of that. I hear of women talking about their "bestie" and I get tinges of jealousy. I hear this friend talk about her other female friends and I get the enemy whispering I'm not her bestie. I gently shake it out and remember we have a deeper relationship than that.

While waiting for the water exercise class to begin it came up that I won Best of Show in the school's Annual Art Show when I was Junior (most who win this usually win it their Senior year). When the BOS has been won it gets hung between the school's auditorium doors. It's on a 8 year cycle. Then its placed somewhere in the school. New construction new rules. It is now placed by the art rooms. The friend and I went to take a look.

 
What I want to say about this I won't here in this forum. So, to quote a movie, "Thats's all I got to say about that."

And some Indiana trivia to brighten your day:

Frank Sinatra, one of the most popular of all American singers, got his start as a "lounge singer" in Indiana.

Ferry Ride

I'm going to finish the blogging on the vacation to Williamsburg just so I can say I finished it and get on with the mundane. The longer I wait the more the entry is more pictures than words. Side note it's no wonder God hasn't opened doors to more graphic design freelance with my penchant (I used this word in my last entry, I may try using it in every entry but probably not) for not finishing things.  

Friday in Williamsburg ... It's a day of no real plans, the last day to see things that didn't make the cut earlier in the week. It's the day we turn in tokens we got at the cigar store when we just so happened to show up on token day  - spend so much and get tokens. It's the day I've been waiting to go through the big gift shop at the welcome center to get our souvenirs like a Christmas ornament, a magnet for the fridge, perhaps some Christmas gifts to let the ones we love know we were thinking of them. But just because we didn't get you something don't think we don't love you. It's just I didn't find anything that I liked to get you. I swear I did look.

But first a FREE ride (provided by the Department of Transportation) on a ferry near Jamestown. In fact we'll get a similar view as those that first traveled to this land. History is awesome I don't care what you say. You can't convince me otherwise!

On the trip from Jamestown to the other side we met up with a Purdue grad! He's a retired pharmacist living in Californ I A. And he was in a fraternity so other than attending Purdue we had nothing in common. He asked when I graduated and instead of feeling the need to excuse why I never actually graduated from Purdue ... I lied. JJL of course called me on it later and I explained it's not like he needs to know the truth and the lie is more uhm whats the word ... lazy.

On the other side John Smith built an alternative "fort". You know just in case. At any rate it was not open so we turned around. While we waited JJL took some photos. When it was about time to drive onto the ferry we got asked if our vehicle could be searched, we were randomly picked (the only out of state vehicle and JJL was out taking pictures while we waited, but what EV) and if we chose to decline we would have to find an alternate route. If you wondering we were clean. I waved at the guys at we drove on to the ferry and the one with the gun didn't return the gesture but the one with the dog did. Which just goes to prove people with animals are more friendly than those with guns. Just sayin'.

Well, that was the ferry ride ... Maybe I should have broken all the days up like this because I don't like to read long blogs so what am I doing writing them?
Next up ... The Printer